Today feels like we are finally inching towards summer, St. James! My boys, friends and I love to play summertime poker, especially on really hot nights. We throw on our ‘Cowboy’ playlist, William grills or smokes a ridiculous amount of meat, I might light my pipe and sip a little whiskey as we tell jokes and do particularly bad jobs at bluffing each other. We play Texas Hold’em and as you might imagine, when I deal am partial to playing with Jokers in the deck. It is also practically guaranteed I will make the same Dad joke I always do. At some point in the game, before folding a bad hand, I will shakily say “Um, Go fish?”. In the children’s card game, saying ‘Go fish’ means ‘to go look somewhere else for what you asked for’ and there is a bit of that in today’s Gospel, John 21:1—19 (NLT).
Chapter 21 in the book of John is a bit controversial, as scholars debate if it was penned by the same author. I like it, maybe because it has the same feel as an end of credit scene in a Marvel movie. Full of something exciting, emotionally impactful, which leaves you yearning for the next instalment. The fact alone that it refers to John as “the disciple Jesus loved” again makes me think “Yay, He did it! He said the line!”, like hearing Arnold say “I’ll be back” in one of his films.
So here we are – the end of John takes place right where it started for several of the disciples, at the sea of Galilee. Jesus has appeared to them twice already, breathed the Holy Spirit over them, and even sent them forth into the world as He Himself had been sent forth. Where does He find them now? Preaching to large crowds? Healing the sick? Feeding the hungry? Nope. They go fishing. I mean, props to them for finally leaving the room they were huddled in for two weeks (I bet that was a pleasant-smelling spot) but they just moved from one happy place to another, right?
They are still looking for comfort in the familiar, in what’s safe. Fishing was what they knew before Jesus, and the Sea of Galilee was also the place of one of His first great miracles. Casting the nets on the other side as He directed brought in that bountiful catch. Perhaps they are out on that water searching for, fishing for, that moment which changed their lives forever. Sometimes, that’s the best we can do and that is OK, because Jesus always meets us where we are, especially when facing trauma. Jesus appears on the shore and once again they don’t recognize him. As with Mary on Easter Sunday, I am not certain this had to be a supernatural moment. The distance was far, across the wind and waves, and besides, they weren’t looking for Him. They were looking to recreate a moment, just doing what they knew they could do. Even though they had found nothing, fish nor answers nor purpose… they were still busy trying to make it happen by the force of their will and hands. Here they were “doing” again instead of just “being”.
Jesus calls out, “Children, you don’t have any fish, do you?”. By this point, we have learned a bit about St. Peter, haven’t we? Temper control is not one of his strengths. A hard-working adult, a burly fisherman being called a child by some dude on the shoreline while reminding him he hasn’t caught anything: not cool! Like Nelson from the Simpsons pointing his finger and saying “haha”. Yet, Peter doesn’t rage. He just answers “no”. He is broken.
Then it happens… the Voice calls out a familiar command, “Cast your nets on the other side”. Isn’t interesting that Jesus doesn’t tell them to go into deeper water this time? No, just exactly where you are in your hurt, he says trust me.
Boom. The huge catch happens again! It’s Jesus! John (the disciple Jesus loves), beats Peter to him again and yet, like at the tomb… Peter is the first to dive in. Rushing to Jesus. What beautiful imagery. He covers up his shame (fishing naked and all) and goes splashing through the water (not walking on it), trying to be close to his Lord, just as he is – not in some triumphant victory.
A quick side note about the number of fish they haul in, 153. It is a triangular number, a hexagonal number, a Friedman number, a Harshad number, and there are all kinds of wonderful musings about unlocking the mystery of what the bible was “really” getting at – like the DaVinci Code. We are not going to get into any of that, but I will say this: St. Jerome preached in the 4th century that Aristotle documented 153 species of fish in the Mediterranean. Perhaps it’s a prophetic moment because Jesus called Peter to be a “fisher of people”. Which people? All of them. People from every color, creed, gender, orientation, tradition: all people from everywhere. I like that. Also, 153 large fish would have been crazy heavy. Peter, by himself, lugs the whole thing over 100 yards… strong dude!
Next comes is my favorite part. Jesus and Peter are alone by the fire which means Peter told the others about this conversation. It is their first one-on-one since the biggest failure of Peter’s whole life. He feels shame, fear, and deep repentance. He is right in the aftermath of the biggest trauma of his life. Was Jesus’ response condemnation? No. Did He minimize the trauma Peter just experienced? No. Did He say “hey, its alright, at least you tried”? Nope. Does Jesus give him a pep talk? No.
Jesus makes Peter a meal, invites him to sit with him by the fire, and begins to speak. Before the cross Peter denied Jesus three times. Here now, Jesus asks Peter three times, “Do you love me?”
It’s very interesting because the words for love here in the Greek language are different. There are five Greek words for love and the two used here are agape (which is Godly and selfless love) and philo (which is friendly love – as in Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love). Here, Jesus calls Peter by his birth name, Simon. Remember Jesus had renamed him Peter, “the rock”. Jesus asks, “Simon, do you love me with Godly love even more than the other disciples? Peter replies “I love you like a brother – its big love, but you know me…I failed you Jesus, so maybe I can’t Agape you.” This is such a tremendous moment.
Remember that throughout his discipleship under Jesus, Peter has said again and again to Jesus, “You don’t know me”. Right from the start, Peter tried to say to to Jesus, “Leave me Lord – you can’t imagine what a bad guy I am”, and then again before his betrayal, “You don’t know me Lord, I would never leave you or deny you!”
But now, Peter says, “You know me, Jesus. You saw me mess up. I am not even capable of that kind of love, am I?” Peter is still fishing. Jesus doesn’t correct him; instead, He says, “Feed my lambs”. Care for the most vulnerable.
Jesus asks him again, “Simon, do you agape me?” Peter responds the same, “I philo you, Lord.” Again, Jesus offers no correction. He just says, “Tend my sheep”. That word, tend, means to look after closely; to be among (not above) them.
Then finally, Jesus reframes the question, “OK Simon, do you love me like a brother?” Peter is hurt, and says “Oh… so its true I can’t agape love you Lord. You really do know me, I am just Simon after all”. Jesus says again, “Feed my sheep, not just the lambs in my flock, all of them”.
Jesus isn’t done with the conversation, but He is making clear to Peter first and foremost, it is how we love one another and ourselves even during personal suffering that defines who we are in Him. Love those who, like you, feel unlovable and unworthy. Don’t walk in shame with your eyes looking down! You are forgiven, now forgive others.
Only after listening to Peter, does Jesus address his self-doubt. He closes by saying: Agape love, Peter? Greater love hath no one than they who would lay down their life for their friends… that’s the kind of love you have inside you. You love me and you love ‘these’ so much that you would lay your life down for them. Just like I did. In the moment that Peter is most unsure, most vulnerable, naked… Jesus tells him, “You not who you used to be, you are a rock for others. Peter… You are just like me!”, the greatest compliment a follower of Jesus can ever hear. Talk about 153 fish! Maybe today, like Peter, you are weighed down by mistakes you have made. Maybe your heart is heavy because you have been hurt or betrayed by others. Maybe you feel unworthy or unsure or even hopeless by trauma. It’s OK. Jesus knows. Your worth is not bound up in all that, your worth is found in His love for you. See, Jesus believes in you and is calling you to love yourself and then others with everything you’ve got. Don’t ever doubt how much love you have within you to give - you have His boundless love.
So… if you are asking yourself that question this morning, Go fish! Ask Him and He will tell you. You have the very love of God binding you together from atom to atom. Now, like Jesus told Peter at the end of the chapter, let’s follow Him and give that love to each other like never before.
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